WHAT YOU DO WITH THE TRIGGER - Part 2
The Moment It Happens
In a previous part we have mentioned that the Trigger comes unannounced. And you know that unannounced emotional hits are rarely pleasant. A quiet word is heard. A tone shifted slightly. Something small… almost insignificant.
But, big BOOM follows and suddenly you are over whelmed.
Body tightens. Chest contracts. Thoughts begin to move without control and a lot faster.
The reaction is already there, decisively stepping to wards a leading role. And if you are not aware this, you become it in blink of an eye.
The First Responsibility
There is this rule when it comes emotional overwhelming. It always applies as a first step and would you recommend you to keep it in mind always. It is so simple yet so powerful - Pause.
You don’t aim to suppress this in anyway, not to control it. But you aim to become even more aware of it and to interrupt the automatic reaction.
Breath. Then another breath. And another… Priority should be your emotional state, and readiness to move on with whatever is in front of you. What you do is letting the nervous system calm and settle, just enough so you don’t act from the first impulse. Because first impulse is to defend what ever there is to defend which is hiding within you, and to keep it hidden that way.
In case you get overwhelmed, you would be repeating your self for an unknown time.
Accepting personal fragility at that moment and pausing, opens the door to seeing that trigger…and eventually healing.
Pause → Feel → See
In the moment of a trigger, the complexity of the emotion and unawareness of it are what hurting us. Hence the need to balance it with simple thing, you need clarity. Which start with a breath, which makes you to take a -
PAUSE.
Give space to yourself. Let yourself be vulnerable for a moment. Focus on that breath and allow yourself to -
FEEL.
Let the emotion exist without pushing it away. Let it be so you can feel it consciously. No judgment at that moment. No expectation at that moment. Just allow yourself to -
SEE.
Recognize that this is not only about you. See that the thongs around you are moving in a just the same manner as it was only few seconds ago.
An external arousal triggered your inner ‘‘Issue’’, that is in desperate need of attention. But in that moment ypu are looking for bringing your self in a functional state in an emotional equilibrium. So, No fixing, No analyzing, No escaping.
The Mistake Most People Make
We are learned to rationalize everything, and the brain does exactly that. So, we go too fast into the mind, and unfortunately more than often, that leads us into defensive state. The search for understanding starts immediately.
Explanation. Justification. Control.
What I’m trying to bring you closer, is other approach: Allow yourself to feel it, so you can completely understand it. The feeling is what make you react. So, lets become aware of it…
As you see once more the awareness is required. Always tend to be aware of your emotions.
Because, this triggered emotion is already in the body. It already speaks to you and it ‘‘wants’’ to be seen, acknowledged. And until it is sincerely felt, that emotion will keep to seek expression. And from my own experience, every next time was more and more intense. Each next time was more and more intense.
When Awareness Is Not There
If we are being honest, above all to ourselves, we did not have that many occasions to hear from a first hand experience ‘‘What has just happened’’. Either we see an emotional outburst either we witness a ‘‘Clint Eastwood scene’’, where person remains intact, calm, having full control of the situation.
Where we direct our awareness now is to over reaction. When people react, when we see suddenly a self defensive state when there is always something to blame, and occasionally a withdrawal. I am sharing this with you, but I am still looking for a safe place of my inner self and avoiding dealing with the obvious.
It feels right, it’s justifiable it. There is always a perfectly rational explanation. All this can not push away the need for acknowledgement and healing. It’s just another vain attempt of avoiding telling the truth to ourselves and starting long overdued work.
Remaining in comfort doesn’t heal, it gets to be just that. Comfortable…is not the zone of growth.
After the Moment Passes
This is where we have the best possibility to begin with the real work. When the emotional tsunami passes, memory of it is still fresh, restlessness is at the exit door and leaving the space free for the honest self chat to begin.
It’s not about complicated questions. It’s not about going into the core immediately. All it’s needed is a sincerity. beoing honest to self is one of the most difficult things i have ever done.
What exactly did I feel?
Where in my body did it appear?
What about this felt familiar?
Where it comes from?
Why now?
Why there?
As the time goes by and we are becoming more and more honest in front of the mirror, set of deeper meaning questions will slowly immerge.
Where did this begin?
When did I first feel this version of myself?
What did I need in that moment… that I didn’t receive?
Answers will never come as set of word lined up in a meaningful sentence. A perfectly designed emotional experience followed by an image, nothing more than that. Yet just enough on the path of being honest to self. The feeling that follow is the answer.
The Parent–Child Echo
Many times, what you discover is simple… and difficult. it is always about an external cause. It is always some moment seemingly unimportant until the moment of realization. Not being seen, not being accepted, understood, undermined…
A child trying to express something…and not being met. That moment does not disappear. It becomes a pattern. And so later in life, when ever you hear something like “I don’t understand you…”
It doesn’t remain a simple sentence. It becomes a wound which has nothing to do with them, but it has everything to do with the child not being allowed to express itself. That moment never disappears, it only remains hidden.
A Realization
is the moment where we take the ownership of the Wound. Only a complete ownership can help us grow out of it. No body to blame, no body to share it with. Me and the reflection in the mirror.
Only when we own something fully we can access to it’s every hidden chamber whether in time or in place.
Expression or Containment
Not every trigger needs to be expressed outwardly. And definitely not every environment is safe for the expression. More than usually the best first response would be to acknowledge it:
“I just got triggered.
Give me a moment to come back to myself.”
Path to this answer has no shortcuts. Can be painful, yet very selfaware.
‘‘Swallowing it’’ until the first next moment to deal with it, is a very mature step. Perhaps one still doesn’t have a courage to admit it at the moment but is self aware enough to Pause and not let escalation take the place. Not to suppress, but because you choose where your inner world is received.
Sometimes is the question of even higher wisdom, you don’t offer your depth to a place that cannot hold it. Until later, in your own space you return to it.
The Ongoing Work
This is not a one-time realization. It becomes a practice. In quiet personal moments you can always revisit it; morning coffee, driving, sitting alone.
You ask again. You stay sincere. You stay un the place of self-love.
Because without sincerity, you will only find comfortable answers. And comfortable answers do not heal anything…
Do Triggers Disappear?
Not immediately. The body has a perfect long term memory of it’s own. Nervous system has invested that much into hiding, but the path to this hidden place still exist.
What changes is our conscious reaction to the trigger. What we do when the Race begins is what counts.
You recognize it faster. You understand it deeper. Take its power away and It loses intensity.
And slowly…what once controlled you becomes something you can observe. What once hurt deeply becomes something you understand. What once was depending on the outside source becomes your possession.
The trigger fades...
The awareness remains...
The Shift Into Responsibility
This is the point where everything changes. Not because life becomes easier. But because you stop looking outward
for the cause of what you feel.
You stop asking: “Why are they doing this to me?”
And you begin asking: “What in me is being touched?”
The Final Step
There is no final perfection. Only deeper awareness.
Awareness brings a moment where you stand differently. Reaction steps a side, a this new collaboration with life arises. .
And from that place, a simple truth remains:
Now I see it.
And now, it’s mine to work with.
