Preschoolers 🌿 3-4–5 Years: Expanding the Circle of Care – Learning to Share and Recognize Others’ Feelings
Introduction – The Moment the World Expands
…your preschooler is stepping into a bigger world — friends, teachers, playgrounds — where the first lessons of empathy in preschoolers begin to bloom.
Picture your little one, now three or four years old, sitting cross-legged on the floor with a box of crayons. You’ve barely had time to sip your morning coffee before a neighborhood friend arrives to play. Within minutes, both children are reaching for the same shiny red crayon. Your kid’s hand tightens around it. Their face frowns. “Mine!” they shout, with all the force of their small body.
This is the preschool stage in all its glory. At this age ages, children step out of the cocoon of babyhood and into a wider world — playdates, preschool classrooms, playgrounds, and little birthday parties. Their emotional landscape shifts. Suddenly, it’s not just about me and my parent. It’s about me and others.
In these years, empathy is tested, stretched, and nurtured. Here they are experiencing the next step, people outside of my family are different…. they react different, they are not soft and understanding as my Mummy is. Preschoolers learn that other people have feelings and needs too — and sometimes, those needs collide with their own. Here we are stepping up for a scale. We have to show them sharing, taking turns, offering comfort, and saying “sorry.” Some times it’s messy, getting us to the point - What have I done wrong? Some days it’s heart-melting, you remain speechless on the amount of empathy and understanding your child is expressing. Always, it is sacred growth.
And just as in the earlier stages, your presence, patience, and awareness are the nurturing soil in which this seed of empathy grows.
Think of your preschooler as a small but strong sapling 🌱. In the baby years, we planted the seed with love and consistent care. Now, the roots are forming, and the first sturdy branches are reaching out toward the sunlight. Your child’s empathy is no longer just a seed — it’s a living plant, stretching outward toward others.
The Preschooler’s New Awareness
Something magical happens between ages 3, 4 & 5: a preschooler begins to see the world beyond themselves.
They notice when another child is crying and may run to get you, saying, “She’s sad!”
They offer their teddy bear to a friend who looks upset.
They copy your words of comfort, saying to a sibling, “It’s okay, don’t cry.”
This stage of emotional development 4–5 years is when children start to recognize not only their own feelings but also that others are having different expressions of emotions. At the same time, their sense of self is still strong, even overwhelming. A preschooler’s world is still mostly self-centered, not out of selfishness but because their holistic being is just learning how to hold two realities at once — mine and yours.
This duality is the heart of empathy development at this age.
“I want the red crayon.”
“But my friend wants the red crayon too.”
“What do I do with these feelings?”
Joggling, with already confusing enough concept of My Emotions and the perception of completely new concept of Other’s Emotions and How to handle it, is not an easy task for even a lot older and more mature people. We are witnessing on a daily basis the ever-growing Lack of Empathy and Love around us.
Lets all together take a decision to change this fact. Let’s give our best and if necessary let’s learn how to give even more, let’s become more educated on thios topic, and in general as well.
Our role as parents is to guide them gently through this divine dance of give and take, helping them balance their desires with the needs of others. We have to get out of our own way and try to share with our kids the blessing of sharing and making others around us enjoy our presence.
Some Everyday Examples of Preschool Empathy in Action
I am mentioning few examples which we all experience on a regular basis. Our base line should always be - to create a fully emotionally aware human being, as capable as possible to handle any demanding situation in front of him. Not an easy task, but I know that the World needs a lot more of these people.
The Playground Conflict
Moments like this are the foundation of preschool social skills. You child will be witnessing this on a daily basis.
Your preschooler is playing on the slide when another child cuts in front. Instantly, frustration rises. “That’s not fair!” they shout. Tears may follow.
Instead of scolding them for overreacting, you kneel down and say, “You felt upset because you were waiting for your turn. That makes sense. Let’s see how we can solve this.” Together, you invite the other child into a turn-taking rhythm.
Here, your preschooler learns fairness, patience, and the truth that their feelings are valid and so are the feelings of others. For many many kids this is their first experience with fairness in their development.
The Birthday Party Gift
At a preschool friend’s birthday party, your child struggles to hand over the present. Their eyes are fixed on the toy that they are giving, as if it’s theirs. They get information from surrounding that in this given moment its all about the birthday child, all attention of everybody in the room is on them.
Later at home, you can gently explain: “We give gifts because it makes others happy. Did you see how your friend smiled when they opened it?” Slowly, your child begins to understand that joy can come not only from receiving but also from giving.
The Comforting Hug
This is far the most natural way of teaching empathy to kids. In this situation kids will see the immediate result of their action. Comforting hug, kinde word from a warm heart results in providing ease. We all like see this pattern; action - reaction, comfort - ease, stress - relief.
Your preschooler sees a sibling fall and cry. Without you saying a word, they run over and give a hug. You smile and say, “You noticed they were sad and wanted to help. That was kind.” By naming their action, you strengthen the link between empathy and identity: I am someone who cares. This is one of those moments when I realize that every aware emotional investment in a child is a 100% win.
Why These Years Matter
From ages 3–5, children’s brains are bursting with growth. They are:
Building social awareness through play.
Learning language that expresses feelings.
Testing boundaries of fairness, kindness, and sharing.
The messages they receive in these years sink deep into their identity.
When empathy is encouraged → “I can notice and care about others. My kindness matters.”
When feelings are dismissed → “Emotions are inconvenient. I should hide them.”
By raising kind children during the preschool years, we are planting seeds that will carry into friendships, classrooms, and eventually adult relationships. Spiritually, this stage is profound. A preschooler begins to experience the unity of life — that others are not separate from them but connected. They are like a plant learning that it is not the only one in the garden; there are other plants, too, each needing water, light, and space.
Our role is to help them grow alongside others without shrinking, competing, or settling down.
Everyday Practices to Nurture Preschool Empathy
Here are some simple, heart-centered practices you can weave into daily life:
1. Name the Feelings You See
This is a gentle, everyday practice in how to teach kids to share.
When your child grabs a toy, instead of “Don’t do that,” try:
“I see you wanted the toy. And I see your friend wanted it too. That’s tricky, isn’t it?”
Naming the feelings for both sides helps your child see the full picture. Help them name emotions which is the root of preschool emotional intelligence.
2. Model Sharing and Turn-Taking
Model kindness in your home, it’s one of the simplest ways of gentle parenting preschoolers
Let your child see you share food with your partner, wait your turn in conversation, or say, “You go first.” Preschoolers learn far more by watching you than by lectures.
3. Practice with Stories
Children’s books are full of feelings. Discus stories while reading, encourage the child to be active in a discussion around some event from the story. Pause and ask: “How do you think the bear feels when he loses his toy?” This builds the ability to imagine someone else’s inner world. Giving the opportunity to your child to learn stepping into other’s shoes open more possibilities for them in the future than we could ever imagine. Being able to see the same event from more than just their Point of View, is making them a valuable part of any community, potentially a great leader in the nearest future.
4. Encourage Repair
When your child hits, grabs, or shouts, guide them not with shame but with repair.
“You were upset and you hurt your friend. Let’s ask if they’re okay and see if and how we can make it better. Let’s tell them that you feel sorry for hurting them.”
This teaches that mistakes don’t end relationships — they invite reconnection.
5. Bring in the Plant Metaphor
Together, care for a small houseplant. Let your child water it and notice how it grows. Say, “Just like this plant needs care, our friends need care too.” The physical act of nurturing reinforces the inner lesson.
When It Doesn’t Go Smoothly (And It Won’t)
Conflicts are part of life, and they begin as early as parenting preschoolers, but they can become opportunities for growth if handled with patience and presence
Let’s be honest: preschoolers are not gentle, kind, or fair. More then often they are loud, demanding, even aggressive. It’s like that and that’s okay.
A three-year-old who refuses to share is not doomed to selfishness.
A four-year-old who hits when angry is not broken.
A five-year-old who melts down at a birthday party is not ungrateful.
These are natural growing pains. Just as a plant sometimes droops before new leaves sprout, your child will stumble and fail, but be there to insure that it tries again and again. What matters is not perfection but consistent guidance. and support. Your calm presence, even after the chaos, is the sunlight that helps them grow upright again.
A Spiritual Perspective – The Circle of Care
From a spiritual lens, this stage is about expanding the circle of care. This sacred stage of emotional development is when your child learns that life is not only about me, but also about us. Awareness is expanding and we have to be there to support this natural growth. In every phase of development we have the key role in supporting and guiding them.
In the earliest years, empathy was planted as a seed: I am cared for, so I can trust.
Now, empathy sprouts outward: I see you, and I care for you too.
Your preschooler is learning that they are part of something larger — a family, a community, even humanity itself eventually. Every small act of kindness echoes into this wider circle. Well know metaphor applies here as well - Throw a rock in the pond, waves will hit each shore in every corner of the pond.
Sharing a toy becomes a lesson in abundance.
Comforting a sibling becomes a lesson in compassion.
Waiting a turn becomes a lesson in respect.
The plant that began as a seed in infancy is now a young stem with tender leaves. With light, water, and patience, it will one day become a tree offering shade to others. 🌳 Roots widely spread will give a grounding so healthy that no storm will be able to shake it. Standing firm, tall, extending branches to every body. To some shade, to some cover from the rain, to others the most beautiful carpet made of golden-red fallen Autumn leaves. Standing in and living the own truth. Conscious and aware.
Encouragement for Parents
Parenting a preschooler can be exhausting. The constant “why” questions, the meltdowns in public, the endless negotiations over bedtime or snacks — it can feel like a daily marathon. On a constant repeat, over and over the very same song, very same topic.
But beneath the chaos, aware being of light filled with love is unfolding. You are not just teaching manners; you are shaping empathy, a gift your child will carry for life.
Remember:
You don’t need to get it right every time.
Repair matters more than perfection.
Every small act of presence counts.
When you lose patience (and of course you will) and fall down - Remember to breathe… reconnect… get up and try again from the beginning. The plant doesn’t grow perfectly straight every day — and neither do we.
Closing Reflection – Planting the Garden of Empathy
Remember, every time you respond with love, you are nurturing empathy in your Child and modeling the essence of raising a kind human. Preschool years are not just about ABCs, numbers, or tying shoelaces. They are about learning how to live in a world full of other souls.
Your child is beginning to understand:
“I am not alone.”
“My actions affect others.”
“I can be a source of care.”
Each hug, each shared toy, each repaired conflict is like watering the soil of empathy. These everyday acts create the roots of compassion that will later blossom in friendships, schools, workplaces, and even the wider world.
As you guide your preschooler, remember this: You are not just raising a child who knows how to count or write their name. You are raising a soul who knows how to love. And that is the greatest gift we can ever offer the world. 🌱💛
